Internet, finally!

Ahhh, the internet. i love you so...now that i have internet, my blogging can begin!!

The problem is, i've been here in Angers for over a week, so where the eff do i start?! i know, "let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, when you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you begin with...." anyone? sound of music? no? ok...

Flying into Paris was amazing, i started to get excited...the guy sitting next to me was very nice, but dammit, i wanted him to just get out of the way of the window so i could see! that's right, i didn't have a freaking window seat. Anyway, from the airport to Madame Jollet's was a bitch! From the airport, to the bus, to the TGV, then a taxi to chez Jollet. At that point, my back had aged about forty years, my wheel on my duffel bag thing had broken, i was sweating balls and totally exhausted...all i wanted was sleep. the taxi driver spoke so fast and had no intentions of slowing down for me...so i just nodded and smiled after all his questions. the most i could get was "she doesnt speak much french" when we arrived to Mme Jollet's. Thanks for that, like we all here don't know that already.

I settled in pretty easily, ma chambre est grande comme est la maison. i slept for six hours after i ate something. i woke up, felt a little better. the next few days though, such a struggle. i was depressed because there was no internet, Mme didn't know how to get it, on account of the fact that she's old, her fils Michel, (Michael, in english, but it sounds like Michele) was the one who knew about the internet because he has a huge office downstairs where he does whatever his buisness is...yeah, this family is well-to-do. but, turns out, michel was neither friendly nor helpful. it was Marie, the other french girl living here, who figured it out. when she came in and told me she figured it out...i wanted to give her a hug and a present or something, it was like the universe stepped in at that moment to cheer me up. because, seriously, à ce moment-là, i was verrrry depressed. i was actually tearing up/sulking and drinking a beer when she knocked on my door. hah! so, at least the internet will keep my spirits up.

Let me explain why i'm having these emotional ups and downs. well, first off, i found out very quickly that my house is located in Les Ponts de Cé, a beautiful little town, but about a 45 min. walk from le centre-ville of Angers...this angered me. i felt betrayed. i felt like the universe was making it harder for me on purpose. i didnt unpack completely for about 3 days b/c i wanted to move so bad. i'm actually going to the housing service tomorrow to see what my options are. i might just rent a bike, which would cut down on my traveling time by about half or more i would think.

Another reason i was sad was the obvious reasons that i was in a foreign place and didn't know the town. for the first couple days i slept until about 4, then i would bullshit around until i could make myself go to sleep by watching episodes of south park and family guy that were already on my computer. then there was the fact that i only knew one person here from school, malik, and he has his own thing going on...so i felt alone. veryyyy alone. plus, i haven't been able to get my mind off of dave, who of course has called me since i've been here. so, no family here, no friends here, no boyfriend here, and not even my fat kitty monroe here to make me feel better. it was up to me. the ultimate reason i think i felt so down the first week, and still a little bit now, is that i was totally disappointed in myself. i thought i could at least struggle through the language, you know, enough to get by. Nope. i sucked! i still do...well maybe not as much. classic casey though, too hard on herself, and doesn't give herself any credit.

so, after the first couple days, i decided to get out of the house and take a walk. i walked for two hours, just looking around, taking some pictures. it felt really good. the sun felt good, the wind felt good, even the sound of the cars and bikes and motorcycles felt good. the next day i called malik and we hung out, he showed me around le centre-ville and then we bought some rum and everything felt a little better. i've been walking everyday. i feel skinny. too skinny...i feel like i need to fatten up! that will be easy here! there is something about their butter here, my god it is so good! i could just eat it plain. it's more creamy and thick, and mmmmmmm soo good. anyway, since school didn't "start" until this past thursday, i've been bouncing back between taking walks and discovering the town to riding the bus into downtown and hangin out with malik. i discovered la fleuve Loire, the Loire river. i was feeling down that day, and man, when i discovered that body of water, it made me so happy. it was beautiful. it was a clear, hot day, so i walked down to the shore and got in as far as i could go. of course i just had to wear jeans that day so i could only go up to my knees...but wow! it's so beautiful and you can just sit there and not be bothered for hours, which is what i did! i sat there and i read a little of Elle, in french of course, wrote some, took pictures, and just sat and stared for a while. i think i will post what i wrote, but no one can make fun of it or else...

Ok, so then, friday night! that was the best night so far! malik introduced me to his friend camille, who is from saumar, but who knows english very well as well as some spanish ( god why am i a stupid mono-lingual american!!??? thanks, chip! argh!). she's very fun and exudes happiness and optimism. me and malik went to her house where we met up with some other people...then the drinking ensued. hah! just some social drinking, some talking, me trying in french to talk to camille, who is very helpful. then we went downtown to the Anges et Démons festival where there was music, alcohol, plumes, fountains and crazzyy people...look to my facebook to see some of the pictures...it was such a good time, definitely made me feel better, that maybe, perhaps, i can do this. i still do feel very frustrated that i can't understand about maybe 50% of what they say when they talk fast, plus the slang, l'argot, je ne sais pas! i want to conquer this language soooo bad, i want it NOW! i think i really need to focus on taking classes that will improve my french, practice it a lot with friends/everyone, and study on my own with books (i'm going to buy barron's 501 french verbs, and my mom mailed me my grammar book from last semester, plus french podcasts and ma france on bbc). I want this so bad! a part of me is very scared that i will fail...that i won't learn as much as i can...or should've...that i'll go back to the states disappointed...i don't know, i doubt myself all the time! Well, i guess i'll stop there, for now. i've rambled too much i think. it's 12:40 am here, but i feel so awake. that's not good b/c i have to go to school in the morning...