I'm Riding this One Out...

I think i might be finally getting over my horrible frenchie cold, so i felt like writing a bit. I just started a new program for exchange students called CIDEF, so every student enrolled knows french as a second or third language. so, the profs speak slower and their sentence structures are simpler. i'm acutally really excited to learn and go to class and learn new things. we have a required "langue" class, which, based on the level you tested into (i acutally did really good thank you very much), teaches grammar, culture, oral skills, etc. i must admit, i feel awesome when i'm sitting in my seat and i understand pretty much everything that she's saying. Mme. Cocton is very animated, a cute younger woman i'd say in her early 30's, with cute black rimmed glasses and a pixie cut. She jokes a lot and yes, ahem, I CAN LAUGH. and you know WHY i can laugh? because i understand what she's saying. i get it. that's right, i'm a little bit awesome. sometimes, i'll confess, i might laugh a little too loud, but i just want everyone to know I GET IT. i'll be taking all kinds of classes like oral expression, art history, translation, a writing course, a phonetics course...and even though some of them are at 8 am, i'm ready to learn, though, try to tell me that at 7 am, and i'll tell you to go to hell. it's so weird to have an overwhelming sense of knowledge at your finger tips and not know what to do with it. i don't know where to start. sometimes i just look at my 501 french verbs book (by barron's, it's a bible) and just don't even know what to do. because i'm at that level where i'm just soaking up everything. everything, all the time, and later, it's quite possible that my head will explode.

But, you know, i've thought a lot about this anxious feeling, this overwhelming sense of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i can't let it back me down. i've started to realize this is probably my only opportunity to do something like this. to learn this much language and culture and i don't want to give it up. i want to stay as long as i can. i want to be here until june. though i'm overwhelmed, my heart, my gut is telling me, "casey, girl, look at how much you've improved already, how much you've learned already. you have to stay. you must stay. you belong here...." and, though it's only the beginning of october, i know if this feeling is already this strong, it's only going to become stronger, and it will fall into place because it's meant to happen. sure, my speaking isn't that great, i'd say i've progressed from an 8 year old to the bigger 10 year old, but i've personally noticed a difference in my oral comprehension. i can understand what people say to me, most of the time, and if i dont at first, just give me a couple seconds and it'll click. i've almost completely stopped staring at people like a weirdo and have been able to respond. like last night, i was out with friends, and we were doing the english/french thing, and someone teased me about being flirty or something, and i gave them a playful punch, and they looked at me and said, oh, cool you understood that? and even a couple people have told me they didn't realize my level of speaking is where it is. so, i think my nervousness has started to wear away a little, though a cocktail does speed this process up, i must admit (i'm NOT an alchy, ok?). And i know once i get into the flow of school and my classes, i will improve that much faster. sure, occasionally my american culture bumps head with the french culture, (some french ppl are acutally quite rude and cut and dry; it pisssses me off, man, GOD) but i get over it. i've always had respect for people who are bilingual, i think it's a very cool and practical and honorable skill; and to think that i might be able to be like that, (2 languages in one head, how can you live at that speed?! eddie izzard, anyone?) well, it makes me want to work harder. i don't know what the future will bring, even within these next couple months. but, nothing is forever, as much as we don't want to admit sometimes, and i've started to realize that. i've started to see i can't still live in the past while trying to build a future. all i can do is live for the present, for tomorrow and aspire to become the person i want to be, to gain the skills i know i can obtain and let the universe take care of the rest. Well, i'm off to nantes for the weekend to see a friend....À bientôt!