Easy to answer that one. because i've started a new life here. i even hesitated writing that sentence because a part of me still doesn't want to admit, i guess. but it's completely true. when i leave the first of july, i will have lived here for 10 months. yeah, maybe some people think, "hey what you frettin' about, that's not even a year." and to you i kindly say, "bitch, please." it's ALMOST a year, ok, and think about how much a life can change in just a month, or a week, or a day. i've gotten used to the city, i have friends (most of whom are other foreigners and who are all leaving now too), i like my house where i live, i know my professors and the ins and outs of my university, i know the bus routes, i know about the trains....siiiigh. it's really a new life. ok, let's be honest. i'm not going to miss the bus routes or the trains or the university. its just that, i dont wanna admit it. but the thing that goes along with this "new life," if you will, is, ummmmmmm love. shhhhhh. yeah, that's right. i've committed the most cliché crime ever, falling in love in europe, nevertheless france, for god's sake. the people who are known to be "romantics" and blah blah blah. and to those who might mock, to you i again kindly say, "bitch, please." how am i supposed to leave now? how are you just supposed to leave someone you love just because you live in a stupid other country? why do i have to return to my other life, a life that i don't even wanna face right now. just have to leave someone i care about for the other scavenging females out there.
also, returning to the U.S. means i have to face a whole bunch of stressful situations that i don't want to deal with. i have to deal with the culture shock, the depression of missing everyone, the anguish of a lonesome heart, the stress of finishing school, finding a job/not living on the street, being successful, and of course, the fact that i have to go back to eating what americans call "bread" and "pastries." it also means seeing my family and my friends again. and enjoying the bars/clubs for the first time in the U.S. it means i get to reconnect with best friends and family, who i know i can always lean-or in this case, maybe- fall on. all these positive and negative emotions are just swirling around in my head, all the damn time. it's just one big huge pot of FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK soup. if anyone ever catches me daydreaming (which i tend to do quite frequently) that's probably what i'm daydreaming about. except it's more like day-worrying. there's no dreaming going on. or a day-mare, call it as you want. so that's where i am in my head right now. a lot of other fun stuff is going on, the usual, but who wants to hear about that? well if you do, just ask me when i'm back home. i'm sure i'm never going to shut up about it anyway, so you really have no choice.
